The fact of God's help from Anastasia 22.05.2024

Repentance washes the soul like the sacred waters of the Jordan through the prayers of St. John the Baptist. Good afternoon. This is not my first letter of testimony. I have been praying with Bolgar for three years now, using many Akathists. Recently, I began praying the Akathist to St. John the Baptist every Tuesday. To be honest, for quite some time, I have struggled with various fears—almost like panic attacks. I am a single mother with a daughter. I divorced my husband five years ago, and this has also led me to many thoughts of repentance. That is one of the reasons I began praying to this particular Akathist. I once heard on YouTube a quote from St. Silouan of Athos: "The proud always suffer from various fears." This made me realize how deeply prideful I am—and that my fears stem from that pride. I used to struggle with the idea that I should consider myself worse than others; I simply did not understand these words before. This has led to different perspectives between me and my loved ones. I was born into a family that is technically Muslim, and words like "sinner," "seeing oneself as lesser," and "martyrs" used to push me away from Christianity. It seemed to me that Christianity focused too much on "negativity" and "suffering." Many people fear calling themselves sinners because they associate it with self-flagellation, sadness, and despair. I was no different. I don’t know how, but somehow, prayer has truly changed something inside me. I have started thinking in an entirely new way. Now, the words "Have mercy on me, a sinner" do not bring me sorrow, but instead open the door to repentance and a desire to cry out to the Lord constantly and rely only on Him. The more I pray, the more I see how much pride and hardness of heart I carry within me. And this is why I keep praying. Yet, the more I pray, the more painful it becomes—because I now see myself clearly. I have caused so much pain to others through my judgments and condemnations. I used to think I was on the right path because I started going to church while my loved ones did not. I believed I had found the "only" way to salvation, while they had not. But as Victoria Makarskaya says in her videos (for which I am deeply grateful), many Christians fall into the trap of judging their loved ones who don’t attend church, believing "we are good, but they are not." This is exactly what happened to me. I became intolerant. I started seeing my sins, and it felt as if the veil over my soul was slowly lifting as I prayed the Akathist for the gift of repentance to St. John the Baptist. It was painful, yet at the same time, a quiet joy began to emerge in my heart—as if an invisible burden, which had always caused me sorrow and fueled my fears, was starting to fade. Of course, there is still so much more to repent for. This is a lifelong spiritual battle, as our priests say—one that we must carry to the very end, like a precious, divine pearl strung onto the necklace of our soul, protecting and shielding us. And how do we fight our pride? The answer came to me while listening to a sermon: "Keep your mind in hell, but do not despair. Keep hoping in God and do not lose heart—continue repenting and praying." At first, I wondered what "keep your mind in hell" could mean. But then, the answer became clear: it means never thinking you have already overcome your fears. Even if you begin to feel peace, joy, or relief, do not let yourself become complacent. As soon as things feel easier, we often stop praying and slowly drift away from our spiritual life, falling back into sorrow and despondency. Pray always. Learn unceasing prayer. They say the best time to pray for peace is before war breaks out. I loved this teaching from St. Paisios of Mount Athos: "Pray for peace when all is well. If war has already begun, it is too late to pray for it not to happen. You must pray before the storm comes—perhaps it will never come at all, and you will never even know what you have been spared from. How many wars have been averted because of the prayers of our holy fathers, who ceaselessly pray for us and for peace in the world?"When Mother Teresa was asked, "Will you fight against drugs and war?" she answered, "I will pray for peace in the world and for the health of people." She didn’t fight against anything—she simply prayed with love for peace and for people’s well-being. When we struggle against something, we may end up feeding it, but when we pray with love for peace, we multiply peace. And all of it is only through prayer to God. Only the Lord grants us peace. Thank you to everyone who prays with us, together with Bolgar. My heart rejoices in this! May the Lord protect us all, bless us, and have mercy on us. I continue to pray and feel that there is still so much more to pray for. But the Lord never abandons us. Let us trust in God and pray with joy in our hearts. Thank you all.